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The DARK SIDE of the #Cantina_Cloud

Welcome to the Dark Side of the Cantina. For years patrons of the channel have catalogued various snippets of chat in threads on the BCF: 1, 2, 3 (current one). A Dark Side (or DS) quote is usually those that are funny because they are wildly out-of-context (eg. Fourwood's quotes), but we do also like to keep track of other quotes that are just damn amusing, period (eg. most of Slug's quotes). This page lists the best ones.

[ Logs Section ]


<AcinPissed> No idea, there *has* to be enough money on the account...
<AcinPissed> it's inconcievable to me that there couldn't be enough
<AcinPissed> And I also have to fill out some HO

<Slugworth> lol.. Oh yeah, right... my u/l speed sucks guatamalan donkey testicles
<Acinonyx> Mmmm, I love foreign foods.


<Adun> you have a problem with my paste in women?

<Adun> im gonna kick your ass so hard your mother will feel tit!


<[Arby]> hmm.....maybe I'll take this baby apart right now and clean out the inside

<[Arby]> weeee
<[Arby]> this must be what love tastes like
<[Arby]> I like being here
<[Arby]> doggie
<[Arby]> go
<[Arby]> boom
<Voidie`Darko> .....did arby just get surprised?

* [Arby] looks around and then kicks Red in the balls.
<Red> Thanks I needed that
<Red> now can you kiss them better? er...
<[Arby]> Any time, pal.


<Captain`Ramen> yeah jeff, there's nothing like your nuts slappning up against some other dude's nuts.
<[00-Beo]> been there, done that


<Slugworth> Stile posts pictures of 80 year old men 69ing eachother...
<UberCEO> hehe
<UberCEO> james cagney is r0x0r

<Zully> penis
<UberCEO> penis
<Zully> penis
<UberCEO> | ||| ŻŻ|| | Ż||Ż \__ŻŻ\
<UberCEO> | /| ŻŻ|| | _||_ __| |
<UberCEO> |_| |___||_\_||____||____/
<Zully> I can't beat that.
<UberCEO> zully can't beat penis. so much for his masturbation date for tonight


<Daedalus|Sick> When was Das Kapital published?
<Rob> 1964
<Daedalus|Sick> ...
<Rob> 1969 was too obvious
<Daedalus|Sick> Does your proctologist know about all those numbers you keep pulling out of your ass?


<Jae`> So, lots of guys think my breasts are too small, but let's not get into that discussion again!
* Dracard goes to look for teh piccies

<Dracard> ...mart fucking self... yes...


<DSettahr> and on herpes island, theres 12 hot girls and 12 hot guys on and island, but one of them has herpes, and the object is to be the first one to catch it from them
<DSettahr> god I hate slurpers


<Jodemac> The Bible was written by men; only inspired by God. It's not like we'd be defacing... uh... something. Nevermind.
<Cactus`V> meanwhile Jon, the last paragraph of revelation says that anyone who defaces the Bible shall fall victim to all the plagues described within....
<Dylan`W> Cactus`V: ah, yeah, but who reads the disclaimer?
<Maheda> lol dylan
<Slugworth> rofl Dyl
<Jeff`W> lol dylan
<Jeff`W> wow...lol and dylan...TOGETHER! AT LAST!

* Jeff`UU calls in a wrecking ball to knock down Dylan's shelter
<Dylan`W> Why would you think I'm sheltered?
<CEOTribes> lol
* Jeff`UU blinks
<Jeff`UU> ok, let's use a quiz to see if you're sheltered: Question1, Is a dildo an A) now extinct bird, or B) runner-up to diamonds in the girl's best friend contest?
<Jeff`UU> you time starts....now!
<Dylan`W> hmm
<Dylan`W> I don't see how it could be B, so it's got to be A, right?
<Jeff`UU> ...check
* Dylan`W thinks for a sec
<Dylan`W> YAY! I got it right!
<Jeff`UU> ....no
<Dylan`W> But...
<Dylan`W> but...
<Dylan`W> but...
<Jeff`UU> ok, next Question 2: does S&M refer to A) those whacky Sam & Max guys, B) Whips, chains and things that excite you, or C) Seattle's premier radio station
* Jeff`UU looks at his watch
<Dylan`W> A... Sam and Max RULE!
<Dylan`W> just kidding, actually, I've never played the game Sam & Max

<Threnody> I've never been rejected... I've also only asked two girls out... :)
<Dylan`W> ... my... hand...

<Rob> Dylan, you know that all she wants is some serious deep dicking, that is if she's the opposite of you
<Dylan`W> Well, I said in most respects. That's one of the ways she's not the opposite of me.


* |ENT| hits jeff
<Jeff`UU> I love it when you beat me
<Jeff`UU> wear the brass knuckles! wear the brass knuckles!
* |ENT| is a domanatrix
* |ENT| beatrs jeff like a redheaded mail order bride's step child
<Jeff`UU> you ordered Pax too?


<Farix> Then again, it would take years of trauma to even pull off mah for an hour


<Maheda> Drunken assfuckers
<Firefox> That reminds me, where the hell has Pax been?

<zully> ... and apparently the other guy fingered her while she was sleeping... Wonderful guy.
<Firefox> Did you apply clear spraypaint to it? That should add taste.

<Firefox> Hmm, that *is* a good point. I never thought of a benefit of premarital sex such as compatability determination.
<Nob> Banging loves into floorboards is a bad idea, isn't it?
<Firefox> If you're in an apartment, anyway.
<Nob> Besides..that suggests that all he'll do is missionary, which is horrible horrible practice.
<Firefox> Gah, teaching this kid to learn to count is like teaching a dog to walk bipedally and perform quadratic equations.

<Captain`Ramen> fuckin ass. brb
<|Mart|> ramens fucking ass?
<[Firefox]> ahh, my three favorite words

<Firefox> http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/af5942//connie_quicktime.mov <--- The best part about that is that the model is only ~12


<fourwood> you get slower and slower
<fourwood> and hence
<fourwood> more vulnerable to being sucked off

<fourwood> maybe tomorrow
<fourwood> unless i hang out with katie again..
<[Arby]> WHO'S KATIE?
<fourwood> arby: more or less... my girlfriend
<fourwood> not really but... like... well, close enough
<[Arby]> So does that mean she's like...in pieces?
<[Arby]> Unwhole?
<fourwood> no, she's pretty hole

<Slugworth> That way, she'll let you do her in the butt
<fourwood> i try
<fourwood> but she ends up giving me money some how

<Rubby> Rage: Jerk the thing that's coming out of between your legs
<fourwood> ....its hard to reach back there with 2 fingers....
<Evil_Greven-DemonPosessed> do it anyway
<Firefox> ...
<Rubby> ...bada bing
<fourwood> ..dont want to gag myself here....
<fourwood> grev: what do i do after i hold it? see if it hurts?
<Evil_Greven-DemonPosessed> ok, wiggle it *ever* so slightly
<Evil_Greven-DemonPosessed> see if it hurts more or not

<fourwood> i just know that this fuckin hurts... hurts to try to get out at least
<fourwood> its like.. hard and crusted and stuck to my ear

<Zuljin> Grev, I'm not being sucked at the moment
<fourwood> i can fix that

<Teepwood> well, its no fun if you *want* it up your ass.. wait, yes it is!
* Slugworth funktificates to Nickelback - One Last Run (3:30)
<fourwood|AC|in|3D> there it goes

<fourwood> i have 4 of the things.. yet had to go buy new ones to rip my new snatch

<Gonkish> <3 fro
<fourwood> let me get it up


<Fuurgh> tell me my future, slug
<Slugworth> fuurgh's future, fuurgh's future... Ok.. I'm getting an image... OH DEAR GOD! LEAVE THAT POOR KITTEN ALONE!!!!!
<Fuurgh> I guess I'm going to live a good life after all! thanks for the fortune telling, slug


<Voidie`Darko> that's ass-vagina, ceo
<Fuz>> 1 witht he S-Foils closed and the landing gear down

<zully> Fuzz likes short shafts with big heads. I don't care if you covered it already.
<Fuzz> I remember hearing about that. It was also exceptionally carpal tunnel inducing because the long shaft gave it this big range of motion, and it had a really big dead zone, so you were really getting a thumb workout with that piece of shit

<Jeff|Nikki> then date your sisters and shut it!
<Jeff|Nikki> :P
<Fuzz> ergo.... FUCK THEM UP THEM ASS!


<GoY> It might just be long enough for a female to achieve orgasm... though I don't know... maybe a little short.

<GoY`Sleep`etc> Hehehe... I actually managed to get a seductive text message from someone (apart from my mother, god damnit, why did I teach her how to use a phone) on Valentines day! :P


<Rubby> Hawaii turns you gay
<Gonkish> making it the: BEST. STATE. EVER.

<Gonkish> yes this is teh sex idea, and my mom is open to it as well...swank

<Gonkish> dormouse is a shemale
<Gonkish> I love it
<Gonkish> it's sexy

<Gonkish> so I switched teams
<Gonkish> and came in in the hind
<Gonkish> and just started blowing the lot of them up

<Jeff|Nikki> yeah but not all of us are necros gonk
<Gonkish> which more than likely has something to do with my general creepiness


<Evil_Greven> speaking of ill, i think i have mono from my sister who got it from her friend who got it from her boyfriend
<Slugworth> ... You got the kissing disease from your sister?
<Evil_Greven> ....no slug
<Evil_Greven> my sister has a cat
<Evil_Greven> who stays indoors
<Mart|Ill> oh dear god no
<Slugworth> Sweet jesus!


*Jae rips hers open and begins to lick it
<Jae> yum!

<Mart|Hurt> i cant
<Mart|Hurt> i'm stuck
<Jae`> why?
<Jae`> it's not that hard.

<Omne|Amy|Flowersx0r> man, I'm all hot and sweaty
<Jae`FREEEEEE> me too baby, want another go?
<Jae`FREEEEEE> lol
<Omne|Amy|Flowersx0r> sure thing!
<Jae`FREEEEEE> okay, let me blow her up for you again
<Omne|Amy|Flowersx0r> ...


<Jeff`C> I did a slutty 13 year old girl on there
<Jeff`C> bi


<Jeff`UU> three hands....ooh....my kingdom for a three breasted woman to go with them....er...ahem...forget I said that
* Jeff`UU runs around his padded room, stopping occasionally to draw pictures of three breasted women on the wall with his crayons
* Maheda preserves those pictures as evidence of simpler life

<Jeff|UConnVsGT> Georgia Tech is fucked......christ what an ant-climax

<Jeff|Nikki> done pagewizard before
<Jeff|Nikki> twice


<jipe> wow. I just sucked. really badly. for 4 hours.

<DrVoid`PhD> lol....from a site of superstitions: "A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end."
* jipe eyes the machete he bought for Mother's Day
<Slugworth> ........ Jipe...... HE SAID A LOVER!
<jipe> .. I love my parents.
<Slugworth> BOTH OF THEM!??! JESUS!
<jipe> .. on second thought, I think I'll tape it to Meghan's locker when no one's looking.. wait..
<DrVoid`PhD> ......jipe does damage control "REALLY GUYS! I LIKE GIRLS I'M NOT RELATED TO!"


<Jon`C> It's much harder if you just go limp


<jtrun> you get to see me *naked*
<jtrun> grr I need to get off "_
<jtrun> I gotta get off later all

<jtrun> Im helping him fuck off arby :)


<Juz|AC> I am a god among men with low endurance

<Juz`> I fiddle with it for a few hours a day.
<Juz`> or an hour, at least


<Jeff`W> 17% would have sex with a relative....lol
<Kashmir> My cousing is pretty hot


<Koos> bwahahah! i had a girl manager on this soccer team today tell me i was hot
<Koos> well, this just proves that I am victorious over both sexes

<Koos> Jae: I have something over you that CEO wants.... its called a PENIS
<Koos> i dont feel like uploading it either...

<Koos> gonk: i have something else to make you jealous
<Gonkish> oh nos
<Invader`Void> a functioning testicle?
<Koos> not quite, but near it

<Koos> mom hates me cause im not rich
<Koos> dad hates me because he thinks that im going to impregnate her
<Jeff`W> with your aim?

<Adun> Yeah, thank god elephant sized penises are still in style
<Koos|AluminumShopping> i'm going to have to wait for my next paycheck to start on this project


<|Mart|> Having sex with yourself isnt that weird
* MahRCT sucks at it
<MahRCT> I'm getting better though - I figured out how to use chains!

<Maheda> My dad was telling me the other day how if he were a teenage girl, he'd be "all over" this guy my age he saw at the gym


* MysticJupiter is in...so much pain...owww
<Mart|Tired> MJ, banana got stuck?
* Mart|Tired skips his mp3 player to Stretch Princess - Stretch Princess - Free [01:19/03:35][128kbps]

* Mart opens his cupboard... his cupboard... where he keeps his stuff... and finds a video tape with his moms name and address on it
<Omne> it's a video of your mom giving head to assorted farm animals mart
<Mart> ...great, now i'm curious

<Mart> and i'm not only saying that because i am one


<Jae`> I'm not planning on kids anytime soon, that's for sure.
<Jeff`W> who wouldn't wanna squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of ya!
* Jae` shudders
<Mehab> so that's where watermelons come from

Mystic Jupiter

<MysticJupiter> Interesting trivia fact!
<MysticJupiter> Coffee shops (namely Cup O' Joe) will sell you cups of whipped cream
<Rubby> im sure no one cares, MJ
<MysticJupiter> Rob, I found it amusing, especially what we did wtih the whipped cream
<Rubby> ...
<Jeff|Nikki> .....
<Rubby> stop talking. now.

<jipehw> that is why I keep an extendable rod with me at all times
<MysticJupiter> I'll go see if I can find mine
<MysticJupiter> Ah-hah! Here it is
<MysticJupiter> It's so spiffy...and yellow

<MysticJupiter> I suck his battleship!


<Jeff|Nikki> Jeff says I've been amazing doing him

<Nikki> time to go have a shower
<Nikki> I've left the iron in Jeff so you can iron your clothes

<Nikki> it's so nice to come, put my feet and have a nice cold alcoholic beverage whilst Jeff does the laundry and cooks dinner :P


<NorthC> I've been sucking since 9:40pm.

<NorthChaos> He just wants to have his came and eat it.


<Omne> I always pay for the girls, so it's no big deal to me...and they usually know I'm not in love with them in that way

<Omne> jesus Ram, look at your load, it's huge

<UberCEO> stuff it up fuurghs ass!
<Omne> they say it usually takes 2 or 3 tries to do it...so gimme some time here

<Omne|cleaning> I did it at 2 in the morning, in Pennsylvania, with just my sister, after a DMB show......then drove 4 hours home on it...grow some balls


<Omne> know what else is enjoyable? Thren sucking

<Jon`C> You just know you're going to be getting the most horrid, disgusting porn ever. And not even 'fetish' disgusting, I mean disgusting disgusting. With women that have obvious signs of multiple STDs.
<Jeff|Nikki> ...ew
<Omne|sleep> fuck yeah
<Omne|sleep> now there's a video of Uday and Qusay
<Jeff|Nikki> ok that is DS
<Omne|sleep> oops
<Speak`> hot hot gay necrophiliac action, omne?

<Slugworth> I suggest you send your hair
<Omne> man, my ass is exploding

<Kapowski> cats HATE anal sex
<fuurgh> biff, obviously they won't like it when YOU do it.. you need a natural talent for that kind of thing
<Omne> this is just pure horseshit


<UberCEO> I think I shall take a poop
<p3> i will sit in it.

<Slugworth> Oral sex at gunpoint?
<p3> father-son fun time?


<[Pax]> Suck
<Jae`HMK> hell NO!
* Jae`HMK bitchslaps Pax
<[Pax]> Oh, sorry.
<Xeinsane> wtf?
<[Pax]> Forgot to say please


<Rage> ok nudity is nice and everything, but can't just like....wear more clothes maybe?
<Rubby> ...
<Jeff`W> .....
<Dracard> ............
<Gonkish> ........................
*** Rage was kicked by Rubby (you are *so* gay)

<Rage> this opening better be sexy like you said, ceo.

<Rage> physically, she feels WARM!
<Voidie`Darko> ........did you cut her open and use her as shelter from the snow?
<Rage> ...once or twice, yea.

<Rage> Well, I am cripplingly immature.
<Jeff|Nikki> maybe a good hard shag will fix part of that
<Rage> perhaps.
<Voidie`Darko> "oh no! Beautiful women want to have sex with me! I AM A VICTIM!"
<Slugworth> .. at which point, he'll only be crippling *pre*mature
<Rage> Finally someone who understands.

<UberCEO> rage, you should try skinny dipping
<UberCEO> it really is quite liberating
<Kitts> ...solo skinny dipping?
<UberCEO> I'm sure gab wouldn't mind joining you
<Kitts> I'm sure she would.
* Jeff`W gives two thumbs up for skinny dipping
<UberCEO> ahh but you don't know women... they're really quite kinky inside
<Jeff`W> of course the only prob is if the water is cold...and...well..getting out....get into those underpants quickly!!!
<UberCEO> hehehe jeff
<Kitts> I never understood the cold water thing...
<UberCEO> ...wtf
<Kitts> Well, I kinda do...but...no.
<Jeff`W> .....
* UberCEO looks at rage, then at jeff, then back at rage
<UberCEO> elaborate on what you mean by "never understood" so I can decide how much to laugh/cry
* Jeff`W hears a faint chanting in the distance...unrecognisable at first...but growing ever louder
<UberCEO> what's the chanting say jeff?!
* Jeff`W listens closer...the chanting now audible, "....ds...ds....ds...DS....DS....DS!!!!"


<Captain`Ramen> hey, he's been in her more than a minute.. that's some kind of record

<iRamen> www.fufme.com <- that shit can't be real. the order form doesn't work.
* Jeff|Game looks at Ramen
<iRamen> hey, someone had to try
* iRob looks at ramen
* Mart|MUD stares blankly at ramen
<Mart|MUD> why??
* iRob blinks a few times
<iRamen> cause I'm lonely
<Slugworth> roflmao
<iRob> *sigh*
* Jeff|Game wonders which model ramen ordered
<iRamen> both

<Ramen> wow, you'd think more ppl would be in her on valentine's day.
<Ramen> curse you Freud.

<Captain`Ramen> I'm freezing in her
<Captain`Ramen> don't even say it slug
<Slugworth> I couldn't make a joke of it if I tried..
<Captain`Ramen> thank gid
<Slugworth> ...
<Grayscale> <Captain`Ramen> I'm freezing in her <-- try a sheepskin condom, buddy
<Captain`Ramen> I mean.. ah hell

<Captain`Ramen> cypress hill, i'm looking in your irection


<Wazzit> what are the races in WoW again?
<Red> Do you want a job molesting boys?

<Red> I've never done much produce.. just animals


<RiViN> Yay my package came. Time to install new parts
* RiViN has quit IRC (Quit: penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis)

<Gonkish> Riv obviously enjoys pleasuring Kenyans
<RiViN> I ran with a kenyan in highschool... well, rather...I ran behind him


<Sine_Nomen-gtkradiant> I HATED THAT BOOK
<Nikki> which book?
<Slugworth> Kama Sutra
<o_0> I can only keep my hand in a position that looks like my hand froze from too much jerking off.. or at least that's what I'll tell people who ask to avoid horrible embarassment.


<Slugworth> What's going on tomorrow? Rendevouz with your secret lover?
<Shaiya> it's brother day! Weeeeee

<Slugworth> Is having sex and children before marriage good? <-- Every time I see this thread I read it as "Is having sex with children before marriage good?"


<[Shrew]> how many shrews does it take to screw a light bulb? i dont know.. i think i need to know though...

<[shrew]> 7 fucking strokes to get it in


<Sinc_Deth> wow my moms kicking me offline
<Void_ZoSo> that must be embarassing, sinc
<Sinc_Deth> she literally is picking up the receiver
<Jeff`W> hi sinc's mom
<GMS_Slug> Sinc's mom, quick! Check Sinc's browser! You'll find porn on it no doubt!
* Jeff`W waves to sinc's mom and suggests she strangle him with the phone cord
* Void_ZoSo waves to sinc's mom and tells her what her son has been talking about
<NSX|Ramen> Hey, you're son's in a cult! Get him out b4 it's too late
*** Sinc_Deth has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))

Sine Nomen

<zzzine> all that masturbation
<zzzine> and yes i did that for dyl's benefit

<Sine_Nomen> Hell, they used Marines to play sandtroopers in the special edition of ANH
<Sine_Nomen> Because they were the only people they could find who could take the head

<Gonkish> http://www.pcgamemods.com/5013/ <-- ok yeah... 1.) rgoer 2.) (very close) Sine
<sine`bob> close my ass dude


<Sinc`Bld1> Oral Sex is great...I can live on that without sex for a long time (5 days)
* [Slug] wonders how sinc manages to blow himself

<Slugworth> Well, teh closest I'll ever come to a female's orgasm at least... My motto is, "if I cum first, I win, you lose", and I *always* win
<fuurgh> tee hee
<Shaiya> haha
<fuurgh> lol
<Slugworth> I'm very competitive
<Rob> Slug wins by default because theres *never* a female there

<UberCEO> where do you aim for hole 2?
<Slugworth> CEO - just aim a little lower than it looks like you should

<Cho`Koth> *shrugs* seen it done, it's hard not to believe in something you've seen with your own eyes
<Slugworth> I once saw a wiccan lesbian witch turn soft flesh hard. IT WAS AMAZING MAGIC

<UberCEO> change one letter in Cho`Koth-work and you get Cho`Koth-dork!
<Maheda> amazing
<Maheda> change one letter in UberCEO and you get UberCEX, which sounds like Uber Sex!
<Slugworth> Change a lot of letters in maheda, and you get pedophile

* Speak` is now known as Speak`Boston_Public
<Gonkish> Speak is gonna go hump the TV when seven of nine comes on!
<Slugworth> Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20)
<Slugworth> Long-established patterns of behavior will not magically change for you this week.

<Koos> blah... you doth blow!
<Slugworth> Not even if you promise me a facial, Koos

* Jae` shakes her head sadly
* Slugworth notices Jae's breasts bounce ever so slightly when she shakes her head
* Jae` wonders how her breasts jiggle when they are bound to her chest by a bra.
<Jae`> sorry hon, these puppies ain't moving.
<Slugworth> breasts.. jiggle.. bra... chest... God, has there ever been a cooler sentence?


<Juz2> and, as always, LFN goes down for the chat...
<Speak`> so THAT'S how they get the exclusives. makes sense.

<Slugworth> Speak's married to his students. Not literally, of course. Not until that bill passes, at least
<Speak`> not any time soon, i can tell you that much.


<Threnody> yeargh, I just completely fucked up my hand while trying to play a solo... fucking in in a way I previously had thought impossible

<Threnody> GOD DAMNIT!
<Threnody> I can't get through this fucking hole

<Threnody> boobs boobs boobs
<Threnody> my roommate has been asleep for 13 hours now


<ubuu> lol four I pulled that male transvistite too

<Jeff|Nikki> you had sex with a guy in public?
<ubuu> First party ever, had to be blown by some douche bag...grrr


<Void`ZoSo> wow, two women in here at once.....excuse me for a second, I hear my alter ego calling.........
*** Void`ZoSo is now known as J`Lawler
<J`Lawler> PUPPIES!

<Rage> I once went to a funeral, but was confused as to whom it was for...so when I saw the person who I THOUGHT had died sitting a few rows behind me...I was quite scared.
<Voidie`Darko> .......wait.....you were confused? Don't you usually...you know...go to funerals with purpose? Do you just wake up and say "Damn, know what sounds fun today? GOING TO A FUNERAL!"
<Dylan`W> "Yeah, I just miss him. It's really too bad, it was so sudde.....HOLY CRAP YOU'RE BACK FROM THE DEAD!"
<Voidie`Darko> ...it got really awkward when Rage then proceded to attempt to bash that person's head in with an axe while yelling about zombies.
<Voidie`Darko> something like that happened to me when I went to a funeral and started having sex with the corpse, but then someone told me that I'm not supposed to do that. Boy was my face red.

* Void`ZoSo synthesizes a new life form in petri dishes to go over to Nij and say "HEY LOOK OVER THERE!" giving void an opportunity to steal his wallet. Unfortunately, all nij has is three dollars and a condom so old an actual trojan could have worn it

<Jae> Belle, I'm warning you, dating someone from here isn't exactly a great thing...they'll get you in the end.
<Void`ZoSo> "get you in the end..." .......wow, either I have a sick mind, or that sounded wrong..........or this is not an "or" question

<Jon`C> I need some help with transportation.
<Jon`C> Say you couldn't drive, and you lived far away from the city.
<Jon`C> How would you go on a date?
<Void`ZoSo> I would for one train a giant bird to carry me and my date to our destination...........and then the alcohol would wear off, and I would realize that I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting a date, and will then collapse back into a pool of my own vomit.
<Jon`C> I got one. Now I need to figure out a way to pick up the girl and go someplace nice.
*** Void`ZoSo has quit IRC (Why is my life God's joke?)


<Slugworth> I would Void, but I've got this childbride here, and, well, you know how things can be with them
<Wazzit> Daisy is great.

<Slugworth> Ok, that's the best joke ever... Though, I fear it won't translate well through text. "What has two thumbs and loves blow jobs?" "[pointing at self with both thumbs] This guy"
<Wazzit> and if it was as big as you say it was, I probably would have ran off screaming and trying to get it away


<Captain`Ramen> in fact, we were thinking of marketing rings to gays under 'Allen and Gary's Love Story' (Allen and Gary's is the name of Gary's store)
<Yoss> Opening...gift..so..tempting...

<Siglo> Delicious tacos my ass.
<Yoss> I believe I shall experiment tonight.


<Captain`Ramen> you mean you were there when it happened?
<DJ`McZul> Yeah, as a girl.

<Zuggy> I had the hottest subsititute in English today... my fucking god... she had this perfect ass and whopos as large as my head...
<Slugworth> See, whopos that big are disgusting..
<|Mart|> and theres zul... who never doesnt think with his dick
<Adun> jesus Zul, those whopos are obscene
<Zuggy> I don't find them disgusting. The best part was that she was fully erect all class.

<Zuljin> my band teacher thinks I am great at my instrument (I suck)

<Fuzz`Rx> ron jeremy is fat and hung like a donkey
<zully> I just think they're the most beautiful creatures on earth.

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